my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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