Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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