i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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