I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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