oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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