You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
