did you get engaged???
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize