and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
