I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
