we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
