i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize