You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
