I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Found your dick twin last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
