I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
