SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
