it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i think my cat just said my name.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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