Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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