Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
