She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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