Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
