she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
