are you still at the devil's house?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
