a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
