I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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