whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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