More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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