I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
God, I missed his penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
