I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
