the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Im part way to drunk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
