she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
