you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
