thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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