So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
