I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
