...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
