I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
