Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
