We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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