I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
