The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
