Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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