Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry about my life...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
