I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
