Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
