You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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