What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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