dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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