dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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