3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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