Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
