i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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