why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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