She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
