New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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