how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
