She announced her abortion via fbk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
