Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
