I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
