party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
