summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
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I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
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You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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