True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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