marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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