If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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