I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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