we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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