I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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