either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
